apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Randomize
