The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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