chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
