dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
try to milk me bitch
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