Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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