I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize