I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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