he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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