so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
