I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
