If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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