If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
