The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
