I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
