my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She said her name was "party"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
