is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
