she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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