dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
