Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
