why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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