she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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