TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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