she smelled like a LAN party
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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