She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
