I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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