got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
