ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
