I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this just has baby written all over it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
