we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
