My first STD was from a foam party
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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