I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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