fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
