Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
