I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
