I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize