ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
