i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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