And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
