Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
