So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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