Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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