Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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