i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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