dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
