sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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