Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
