I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
