I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
