Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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