Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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