The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
