Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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