You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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