I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
