votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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