Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
