I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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