apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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