I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
