When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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