Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
