I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
