using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
