how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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