Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize