Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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