he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
