So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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