Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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