I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
