So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
