butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
