i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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