also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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