you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize