Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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