oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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