God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
