I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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