so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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