alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
