I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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