Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you had me at cake vodka
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
