Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
