she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
