im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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