Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
