Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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