We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
