I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
