Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I did not marry a roomba.
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