Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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