we have pet lesbian snakes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
