I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
