I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
