Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
